Intoxicated By life

I think it was Tom Hanks who said it best “Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get.” At one moment life can seem perfect and everything you ever wanted is in right in front of you....you lost weight , you have an amazing boyfriend , a new car or you have reconciled a broken relationship....man that's what life is about but no....why should we depend on materialistic things for our happiness.  happiness goes beyond the physical it reaches deep down into your soul....life is unexpected so what happens when your perfect boyfriend suddenly acquires flaws or you gain 5 lbs or your car is repossessed does your happiness quickly fade because life isn't going how you want it to go....i think not i think that's the time when you should smile more and be ready for whatever challenges life throws out you your happiness does not reside within an individual but within yourself . You determine your own happiness if you look at the world as being empty and meaningless and at love as being non existent and pointless you will let life pass you and not gain the full experience of a meaningful life :) happiness is within u !

“The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow”

Closing that chapter

WOW so last night ..i gained some new found courage and wore my heart on my sleeve lol didn't necessarily get all that i wanted but the first time in my i life i felt FREE like a big on burden had been lifted off my chest i cried for hours and it was tears of joy....some pain i am not gonna lie but the next day i felt like a Phoenix risen from ashes i felt Free , pure , renewed like i could conquer any challenge... call me crazy but my heart felt light rather than heavy and i didn't feel burdened by this internal secret i had been holding onto for a year.....i let it all out everything and it felt DARN Good ....people call me crazy and tell me how can i just let everything out there like that well idk......its what i was feeling i was sick of wanting to say something but getting tongue tied nervous or constantly worrying about the affects it cud have on me.... I was fed up and i wanted to scream....So i put it out there and it felt so good and now I'm moving on end of that chapter beginning a new and in this chapter lol trust me blond hair and blue eyes is the move ha ha that rhymed....ttyl all the people constantly supporting my blog love u guys : D

Aint it funny how a chapter can make a story change :)

Since '09

6/28....my diary.....Met this new guy today he is absolutely amazing.....idk why but........i think i will end up...shall i dear say it.......liking him alot...... a year later  we are at each others throat fighting  like nothing ever before he betrayed me in ways....no one would ever understand... i really came to the "breaking point" as Keri hilson would put it....here he was a  guy who i confided in and ..he betrayed me....for some girl.... i was his best friend... and he did that i mean i could not believe it.....SO...we don't talk for about 2-3 months.....he doesn't even cross my mind.......His name is mentioned and like a flood every ounce of feelings i thought was gone came rushing back instantaneously.....i mean i always liked him....but i lied to myself constantly......i lied to everyone around me....and on the inside i knew.....i never wanted him out of my life completely,,,,,, adults may say I'm young...this is all teenage talk but no.....it was deeper than that we had an on going history,,,,,,and i always told myself......that with him i would rather hurt every day , every hour , every minute and every second than not to have him at all......so he falls in love with the girl.....he betrayed me for....am i upset.....no....i am encouraging ...Tianna has it all together...she can handle it but on the inside i am dying my stomach starts to hurt my head starts to spin...I'm going berserk .....I'm hurting every time i hear "i love her" "what shud i do " "i want her back"......great i say go for it u deserve to be happy completely disregarding my own heart which is trapped screaming someone save me.......but No i ignore my heart cus ....i guess part of me thought....i didn't deserve "happiness" .... tears roll down my cheek as he goes more in dept about his "love" for her.....i am dying but texting back every time with sight blurred by tears i say "go for it" "keep trying" "u deserve happiness" ...WOW tianna u did it this time........u stand by and once again....dismiss yourself......why do i let myself go through this internal torture...i ask myself that question everyday...i guess because..... when u like someone one alot u want them to be happy and i guess in a way i want him to be "OK" i want everything to work....i  didn't care if my heart wud suffer,,,,..... he would be happy......----..... yes i still feel the same about him...does he know......ha ha ha NOPE....even when he reads this he probably still wont know....but i take it how it comes and i am gonna remain strong.......but since '09,,,,,,,I guess u can say Ive been folle(crazy in french) about him <3 <3 once again uve gotten insight into my thoughts and mind
xoxoxoxoxo
-Tia bka in my skin :)

Learn about me and youll be perfect

So lately I have been doing some soul searching and thinking about life ...and turning 16 ! So sixteen is the "OFFICIAL" age I can date and I have been observing the sudden formations and collapsing of relationships all around me...at one point part of me never ever wanted to be in a relationship at all....I pretty much shoved all guys in one category.. I labeled them as trifling inconsiderate and unfaithful....although most of them are I realize not all of them fall into that category....and often i tried to make a list of requirements impossible to achieve....... but lately my mind has been maturing and i realized the thing I want in a relationship most is COMMUNICATION I mean  i know that seems crazy that  that's it but I realize what makes me attracted to a guy is him wanting to know everything about me and caring to know my views on certain subjects and him wanting to know everything  on my mind....I want some one who is also honest.....I mean you know how ray j says keep it 100 all i want is someone to keep it 90 with me..to me honesty and communication is enough to keep the flame in a relationship ignited..  many guys think I'm different ..crazy....some alien from out of space..but I'm just a simple girl who at the end of the day doesn't want to be hurt the same way most girls... are I don't want me and my boyfriend to be  put  in the pile of failed relationships because of the common monsters that tear at our foundation of a strong relationships I refuse to have a relationship built on lies and lack of communication....I am one of the girls who actually want a successful relationships... I know I will face heartbreak that is just something that life gives to u...but I just don't want to be so hurt by a relationship... that I find it almost impossible to love again.... and become bitter... that just not who I want to be all I require is "that guy" get to learn about me and he will be Parfait <- Perfect In french !!!!

Tia aka In My skin :-) <3 <3 Peace & Love

Things Daddy Never Told His Little Girl

SO its early and this topic has been on my find for to many week so imma just let it flow. So basically I realized over the past few Weeks by watching many people around me situations that they are constantly in unsuccessful relationships because nobody ever really told them what to look for in a boy or girl or what type of person to be to have a productive relationships. Girls for example need a father figure to show them the pathway of what is a "good guy"...There are some things father never REALLY tell girls about guys....they never tell you that if you meet a guy and you have barely any clothes on he is just gonna want sex. Daddy never told his little girl that she will get her heart broken many times but she should remain strong. Daddy never told his little girls...that being easy and promiscuous is not appealing and will not get you true love. Daddy never told you guys will use you. Daddy never told you that when your sexting and thinking  hes the only one seeing the picture hes actually gonna show 5 more of his friends. Daddy never told his little girl that that if the words hoe/bitch is a constant word in a guys vocabulary 9 times out of 10 he doesn't have any respect for women. Daddy never told you the statistics of continuous rising diseases within teenage boys . Daddy never told his Little girl the key to finding a good boyfriend or girlfriend is being your self..... he never told you that if a boy really is worth it he would respect if your celibate. Ladies this is the run down of some of the few things some fathers never told their daughters.... and this is why we have so many broken hearted girls rushing in to relationships....however until they know their facts they will remain ignorant to all the tricks of the male mind.....talk to your fathers,,,,, they were a guy once and they know the tricks and everything...and they would be heartbroken if they knew their little girls were falling into the same traps they use to set.

_ Peace , Love , Happiness -In My Skin BKA Tianna Etes

Definition Of Friendship

Since i started school..it seemed like it would always be hard for me to make "friends" yes i had plenty of associates but they never would be considered friends because there is more to friendship than eating lunch together , gossiping and say this is my "best friend"....Over the years I got the definition of what a friendship is with two particular people in my life and those are Amari Smith and Anisa Harris . They showed me what a true friend was. I met Amari In 3rd grade and we were inseparable ever since...she was one of those people who actually made me bring out a side no one had seen she encourage me to use my voice and we Had so many good time....she taught me the definition of happiness which was being who u were with happiness...and she loved me regardless even in the infamous Jackson academy uniform and m nappy corn rows. She was a true friend and I know she still is because even after 5 years without communicating we talk like we never lost contact and shes constantly encouraging me that what you call a friend someone who u can  go without talking to for 10 years and when you do finally talk its like you guys never even stopped talking. A true friend is there during the times u feel like scum and feel like Ur world is crashing and you have no where to turn ...they are there when Ur so fed up with life that u start contemplating suicide friends are there all the time and the keep Ur secrets !!!!!!! TH ATS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIPS

-Thanks friends Zaina , Alexis , Amari , Anisa <3

Vanishing.......

Tears Of Grief

Normally i never ever blog this late but this has been quite a day......a day that needs to be noted August 25 , 2010. This date was a day of grief and realizing that life is extremely short. Today marked the 9th year of Aaliyah's death , 4 days before the late Michael Jackson's b-day and not to mention today is the day the wonderful soul of Jeremy Hawkins was sent back to heaven. This day came with much  difficultly and struggle to accept especially when it took a turn at around 8:45 pm when a woman Ive know for 4 years who was so buoyant and full of life and smiles and energy was slowly dying from painful disease which left feckless and distraught. A disease so nefarious I could hardly recognize who she was. Something so painful to recognize i became numb and couldn't move. I couldn't believe how in a flash life could take such  wild unexpected painful turns....within one day its like people from all walks of life were slowly vanishing......and it seemed like I could not hold on tight enough to stop them from going away.....I guess it was their time.Yes i grieved

and I am sad . But this just expanded my thought process......this whole day made me realize how ungrateful I am and how lucky I am to be able to have the ability to breathe on my own , stand on my own , laugh , eat ,live! I realized they key to life is not living to die but dying to live...dying to explore whats beyond these proud horizons and living each day like its my last. No longer will i waste time and stress about pointless things its time to go into everyday with a positive attitude and living my life...I mean you never know within a second you can be gone.....Crying while writing this Jeremy Hawkins you will forever be in my heart and thoughts ; (

-In My skin Bk Tianna Etes