Definition Of Friendship

Since i started school..it seemed like it would always be hard for me to make "friends" yes i had plenty of associates but they never would be considered friends because there is more to friendship than eating lunch together , gossiping and say this is my "best friend"....Over the years I got the definition of what a friendship is with two particular people in my life and those are Amari Smith and Anisa Harris . They showed me what a true friend was. I met Amari In 3rd grade and we were inseparable ever since...she was one of those people who actually made me bring out a side no one had seen she encourage me to use my voice and we Had so many good time....she taught me the definition of happiness which was being who u were with happiness...and she loved me regardless even in the infamous Jackson academy uniform and m nappy corn rows. She was a true friend and I know she still is because even after 5 years without communicating we talk like we never lost contact and shes constantly encouraging me that what you call a friend someone who u can  go without talking to for 10 years and when you do finally talk its like you guys never even stopped talking. A true friend is there during the times u feel like scum and feel like Ur world is crashing and you have no where to turn ...they are there when Ur so fed up with life that u start contemplating suicide friends are there all the time and the keep Ur secrets !!!!!!! TH ATS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIPS

-Thanks friends Zaina , Alexis , Amari , Anisa <3

Vanishing.......

Tears Of Grief

Normally i never ever blog this late but this has been quite a day......a day that needs to be noted August 25 , 2010. This date was a day of grief and realizing that life is extremely short. Today marked the 9th year of Aaliyah's death , 4 days before the late Michael Jackson's b-day and not to mention today is the day the wonderful soul of Jeremy Hawkins was sent back to heaven. This day came with much  difficultly and struggle to accept especially when it took a turn at around 8:45 pm when a woman Ive know for 4 years who was so buoyant and full of life and smiles and energy was slowly dying from painful disease which left feckless and distraught. A disease so nefarious I could hardly recognize who she was. Something so painful to recognize i became numb and couldn't move. I couldn't believe how in a flash life could take such  wild unexpected painful turns....within one day its like people from all walks of life were slowly vanishing......and it seemed like I could not hold on tight enough to stop them from going away.....I guess it was their time.Yes i grieved

and I am sad . But this just expanded my thought process......this whole day made me realize how ungrateful I am and how lucky I am to be able to have the ability to breathe on my own , stand on my own , laugh , eat ,live! I realized they key to life is not living to die but dying to live...dying to explore whats beyond these proud horizons and living each day like its my last. No longer will i waste time and stress about pointless things its time to go into everyday with a positive attitude and living my life...I mean you never know within a second you can be gone.....Crying while writing this Jeremy Hawkins you will forever be in my heart and thoughts ; (

-In My skin Bk Tianna Etes

Waiting To feel Love ! :)

Waiting.....None of us like to do it ...we as humans being are impatient . We don't wanna wait on anything ESPECIALLY NOT LOVE <3 we want it to come quickly when we want it to come. But the key is waiting and not forcing it. Forcing it will only disrupt what god already has planned .  The wait may seem long but at the end i believe it is worth it. The other day i saw a couple that had been married for 55 years and i asked the lady how she kept him for so long lol...she said i waited and was patient she said honey i took my time and i must have done something right cause he still here. This was a defining moment i realized that waiting on love is really worth it especially if in the end your gonna end up with a guy whose gonna love you even when everything is sagging , your hair is gray and your wrinkled....and the funny thing is while you think  your old  finds you beautiful and radiant . I think this is a beautiful defining moment of love and I am most definitely willing to wait till i meet someone who i know is gonna still love me for 100 years the same way he loved me the 1st day he met me. So i say to you guys waiting on LOVE is worth it.....and trust me when love happens you will know it !!!! Just wait....patiently wait.

SN- WHEN I FEEL  Love IM GONNA TELL EVERYBODY SO EXPECT A BLOG WHEN I DO ; ) !

-In My skin BkaTianna (Tia) Etes

Love : The Storm

Its about 6 am and this topic has been on mind since about thursday! The topic of what EXACTLY is True love. Many people are walking around "THINKING" they are in love with a person they just started dating for two days. Really they aren't. Us as teenagers really have absolutely no idea  the work it takes to be "In love" . We think love is when you buy somebody a  chicken biscuit or a snicker or when that person walks you to your locker and every class. NO! Love is when your away from them all you think about is them. Love is when he/she sees a certain facial expression and knows exactly whats wrong. Love is when you guys fight and can't stay mad at each other. Love is when you guys dance together with a room full of people it feels like your the only ones there....that's LOVE!! This is how people grow old together . Love takes work , time ,patience its not something that happens over night it grows with every second , minute ,hour , day , week and year you are together. People think they are ready to experience love or fall in love but love is like a roller coaster filled with twists and turns, loops,all time lows, all time highs, peaks,downfalls, moments of laughter,smile's &Nd fear. so just buckle Ur seat belt &ND enjoy the Ride.....its not completely easy but its all worth it in the end .

As for me I am going to sit back and just wait ..patiently i am NOT gonna force love lol I am too young to force but I know when i am ready for love i will buckle my seat belt close my eyes and enjoy the ride ! <3 <3

Quote :

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.

Erich Segal

-In My Skin BKA Tianna Etes

Judging Tina

Its a natural instinct all of us have we judge people within the first couple of seconds of meeting them. We have no idea what their story is or where they have been or came from. I remember when i meet this girl name "Tina" (name change to protect her identity) I thought she was very promiscious and just longed for attention and I judged her constantly. I had absolutely no idea who this girl was and yet i judged her constantly and spoke negative of her. Litte did I know little Tina was not promiscious because it was her choice in fact she went through alot her mom got remarried and her stepbrother molested her and after many years of this continous sexual abuse Tina's cousin found out and started doing it as well....When Tina told me this I was so shocked and nearly in tears....could you imagine your brother and your cousin....Family continuously abusing you sexually but your so young (6 years old) and you think its "okay" . Till this day Tina still hasn't conquered her haunting past and she is constantly searching in the wrong places for love and acceptance although i don't agreee with her lifestyle she is constantly on my heart and in my prayers . She has sex with many guys searching something that she will not find in those men she was looking for love , comfort , exceptance and more but that is something not even an 18 year old boy could give her despite her misconceptiom . Tina's mom did find out when a neighbor told her of these things going on under roof she was distraught and cried unconrollobly. Can you imagine your daughter is getting molested by your step son and you have absolutely no idea and your living with it every day of your life and its constantly on your mind and haunting you every second. !!When finding out this information about a girl who i constantly labeled a "HOE" I realize that you really have no idea what a person goes through so you shouldnt be so quick to judge ....everything is not what it seeems....so do not judge so easily but learn a persons story it might have an everlasting effect on your life like Tina's story did on mines .

Thanks For Reading

-Tianna Etes (In My Skin )

The M's in my life

In my life i have made many mistakes.....they were foolish , stupid and based off pure immaturity. Oddly enough all my major mistakes started with the letter "M" . The one mistake i made was failing to embrace  exactly who i am and being comfortable in my own skin. Insceurties always got the best of me and for some rease after the two "M"s i decided i would never do that again. The first M although he did hurt me terribly taught me that people will let you down and you have to find it in yourself to forgive . When i first met him he was this extremely quiet person who made me laugh and he was really my first crush ever lol.....HA HA HA I SWORE WE WERE GONNA GET MARRIED!!! <-yes mom i did say this !!! lol but i didnt like him because he was cute I likeed him because he was the only person who really truly knew me and could relate to me i guess thats why i tried so hard to create something that was obviously not there. I was hurt when he told me he didnt like me because of my skin complexion....I felt insecure once again ! I felt this small -> . ! Then i tried absolutely everything to get lighter in hopes that i would be "excepted" but how dumb was I ! I didnt realize that if he really liked me my skin complexion wouldnt matter. Instead i tried to correct something physically impossible ! I cried everynoght hoping and praying i would get lighter because that was the standard of "BEAUTY" where i lived. I mean here I am a beautiful chocolate color and I am everynight crying myself to sleeep wishing I was lighter I mean no one would believe this cuz on the outside everything seeems perfect but on the inside I am a mess or atleast I was. I would see people like beyonce , keyshia cole and pray to god I would be lighter. Its not complteley M's fault itwas my own insecurity that drove me to that point ! I promised myself I would never let myself get there again.

-Thanks For reading there is more where this has come from

p.s. in tears while writing this : ' (