Since '09

6/28....my diary.....Met this new guy today he is absolutely amazing.....idk why but........i think i will end up...shall i dear say it.......liking him alot...... a year later  we are at each others throat fighting  like nothing ever before he betrayed me in ways....no one would ever understand... i really came to the "breaking point" as Keri hilson would put it....here he was a  guy who i confided in and ..he betrayed me....for some girl.... i was his best friend... and he did that i mean i could not believe it.....SO...we don't talk for about 2-3 months.....he doesn't even cross my mind.......His name is mentioned and like a flood every ounce of feelings i thought was gone came rushing back instantaneously.....i mean i always liked him....but i lied to myself constantly......i lied to everyone around me....and on the inside i knew.....i never wanted him out of my life completely,,,,,, adults may say I'm young...this is all teenage talk but no.....it was deeper than that we had an on going history,,,,,,and i always told myself......that with him i would rather hurt every day , every hour , every minute and every second than not to have him at all......so he falls in love with the girl.....he betrayed me for....am i upset.....no....i am encouraging ...Tianna has it all together...she can handle it but on the inside i am dying my stomach starts to hurt my head starts to spin...I'm going berserk .....I'm hurting every time i hear "i love her" "what shud i do " "i want her back"......great i say go for it u deserve to be happy completely disregarding my own heart which is trapped screaming someone save me.......but No i ignore my heart cus ....i guess part of me thought....i didn't deserve "happiness" .... tears roll down my cheek as he goes more in dept about his "love" for her.....i am dying but texting back every time with sight blurred by tears i say "go for it" "keep trying" "u deserve happiness" ...WOW tianna u did it this time........u stand by and once again....dismiss yourself......why do i let myself go through this internal torture...i ask myself that question everyday...i guess because..... when u like someone one alot u want them to be happy and i guess in a way i want him to be "OK" i want everything to work....i  didn't care if my heart wud suffer,,,,..... he would be happy......----..... yes i still feel the same about him...does he know......ha ha ha NOPE....even when he reads this he probably still wont know....but i take it how it comes and i am gonna remain strong.......but since '09,,,,,,,I guess u can say Ive been folle(crazy in french) about him <3 <3 once again uve gotten insight into my thoughts and mind
xoxoxoxoxo
-Tia bka in my skin :)